the worst way to break the news

my mom: Why did you spend fifty dollars on liquor?

me: I'm drinking for two.

another day, another dollar

Last Saturday morning, like every other morning, I got into work on time, opened the store and waited half an hour for my boss to call and tell me she was a half hour late. Shortly thereafter the other boss called to tell me he would be there, eventually, but more importantly he had saved a lot of money on his long distance phone bills. People ask me why I still work there. This is why:

boss (cleaning up a spill): why am I even doing this? I am NOT the cleaning lady. I am the BOSS!

me (sitting on the counter): you can be two things.


boss (to customers): if you have any questions, let us know.

me: let her know. Just leave me out of it.


me: Can I come in an hour late tomorrow? I'm gonna be pretty drunk tonight.

boss: yeah, sure.