I'm a tomboy and I live in a dump

quote of the month:

Roommate: I'm really glad that you're friends with her.
me: why?
Roommate: because it's hard for you to make new women friends.

quote of the week:

"Huh. It's actually not that dirty."
-my brother, on seeing my new house.

Two Cats With One Stone

In response to the requests from last week's comments, here is a conversation involving my mother and cat jokes. It took place two years ago at a family dinner with my grandpa.

Grandpa: You know who died last week? Mr. Whiskers.

(Mr. Whiskers is the man's real name)

Mom: He worked with the cadets, didn't he. (snickering) Sergeant Whiskers. How could anyone take him seriously?

Dan: and it only gets funnier as he goes up the ranks... Admiral Whiskers.

Mom: Top Gun Whiskers!

(Everyone laughs, except grandpa)

Grandpa: he was a really nice guy. Lived to 68.

Dad: what's that in cat years?

Grandpa: The cadets are doing a special thing for the funeral.

Me: they're gonna bury him in a giant cardboard shoe box!

Mom: I'll do the eulogy. I want chicken, I want liver, Meow Mix Meow Mix, please deliver.

(at this point, we are all laughing too hard to speak, except for grandpa, who just looks sad)

A few days later, we found an old newspaper with his obituary and photograph in it. Mom wanted to scan it into the computer so we could photoshop some ears and whiskers onto his picture and send it to grandpa, but we decided that that would be distasteful.