Merry Fucking Christmas

This year, instead of feigning illness, I spent Christmas with my family. I always knew there was something different about my family, but I could never quite put my finger on it, until I overheard my older brother describing the atmosphere to his girlfriend:

"Everyone's goal is to insult someone else in the most amusing and nasty way possible. There is no more glorious moment than when the entire family is laughing at one person because of something you said."

Sometimes we make fun of someone indirectly, by insulting their friend (who isn't present). Like the time we made fun of my grandpa's dead friend, in front of my grandpa, less than a week after the friend had died. That time I was laughing so hard my eyes were tearing.

So, we're just really mean to eachother all the time. But there are five of us, and nobody is excluded from the biting insults, so 80% of the time I'm laughing at someone else, which is very enjoyable.

Some memorable quotes:

mom: I'm adding some sugar to the whipped cream. I want to see what that tastes like.
dad: wow, that's quite the culinary experiment.
Dan: hey guys, check this out! I'm applying a piece of cheese to this cracker.

Mom goes into the bathroom after one of the boys has spent several minutes in there.
Me: ok, in a few minutes, one of you has to go in there and retrieve her unconscious body.

James: Cool, a new pen.
Dan: I thought you were illiterate.