Sunday, February 18, 2024

my brother strikes again

My brother found me a hilarious math video on YouTube. Do you know the intersection of math and humour? It is narrow.

I watched it several times and laughed until I cried.

Now the last time this particular brother made me laugh this hard, was at the end of a long day at the beach. We were kids, and it was a bit of a hike back up to the cabin. So we were carrying the beach things back up. My father and uncle carried the rowboat, I had an armful of lawn chairs, and my brother picked up a single fucking oar.

Our father called up to him, "Son, you'll be carrying more than that!"

And Dan turned around, held up the oar, and said, "Yes, I'll be carrying more. I'll be carrying ...m'oar."

Not only did I drop the lawn chairs when I fell down laughing, but I somehow remembered this joke in my sleep and woke up laughing again, to the sound of my father pounding on the cabin wall, and yelling, "STOP LAUGHING IT'S NOT THAT GOOD OF A JOKE."

Friday, February 02, 2024

Influence

When I was 14, my father gave me a book called "Influence: How and Why People Agree to Things". It demonstrated when one is being manipulated, with the presumed goal (I don't think I ever finished the book) of being able to stop oneself from being manipulated, and ultimately, manipulate others.

Well, it worked. The first part did. I was able to learn and apply just enough of the book's contents to identify when I was being manipulated, whilst having absolutely none of the confidence or skills to prevent or stop the manipulation from happening. I simply became aware of the specific chain of events that led to my being a doormat.

Anyway, I'm cleaning someone's garage this weekend.

Monday, January 01, 2024

Happy New Year.

I was eating in bed. I was eating rice and beans, in bed, while watching a movie. And then I had to sneeze. I tried to shield the sneeze with my hand, but actually just diverted most of the sneeze (and the rice) into my eyebrows.

And so I spent the first few hours of the new year combing rice out of my (admittedly large) eyebrows.

Thursday, December 07, 2023

Gift Exchange

My father is notoriously difficult to shop for. He's oddly particular about the strangest things. For example, coffee mugs: he only cares (and cares deeply) about the size and shape of the handle. I once had to abandon him in a kitchenware store because he had cornered a saleswoman with his mug handle monologue. I watched through the store window as she nodded politely at his enthusiastic gestures.

This year I got him two books. One that we read together when I was a child, and another that I had read and enjoyed some time in my twenties, and happens to have his nickname in the title. I thought it would be a good idea to read them again before handing them over, in case he wants to talk about them.

Now here comes the problem. The second, "adult" book, is a bit more adult than I remembered. It has a love story as part of the main plot, but I guess my memory downplayed this aspect. It's a bit more sexually explicit than I remembered. Around the halfway point it is downright steamy, and I finally have to admit to myself...

I bought my father smut.


Hope he likes it!

Thursday, November 30, 2023

subtitles

 What's your favourite subtitle? I think mine is [inspirational music continues].

Wednesday, November 01, 2023

time flies

It's almost time for the bi-annual washing of my red hoodie.

Sunday, October 22, 2023

When pizza's on a bagel, you can have pizza any time!

Why hasn't anyone extrapolated from this data point and put more crap on bagels? Just think of all the things we could have any time if we put them on a bagel.