Monday, July 31, 2017

this month in review

highlights of my July:

-was mistaken for a child by three separate people (will I ever finish puberty?).

-was trapped in an elevator for 8 hours, and subsequently suffered several days of bad elevator jokes from my friends and co-workers.

-skipped the gym twice because “it might rain later”, twice because I really didn’t feel like it, and once because I fell asleep in the middle of the day and the gym closed while I was napping.

-tried to quit coffee, and fell asleep in the middle of the day.

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Wine Tour

How can you tell when my travel companion has eaten a grape? His head turns into a grape! Hahaha. Does anyone have an epi-pen?

My travel companion, who is allergic to grapes, is joining me on a tour of several wineries in the Okanagan this weekend. He’s a good friend. I’m an ok friend, and I can’t promise that I wont get embarrassingly drunk and belligerent before noon, and ask to be carried back to the hotel. He’s the kind of guy who would do that, and not even be mad later.

I might get embarrassingly drunk by accident because my tolerance is lower. I haven’t had any alcohol in two months, except the complimentary mouthwash I accidentally swallowed at the gym (I may have subconsciously done that on purpose).

If you see a little Honda coming out of the Naramata region, it’s rear bumper weighed down to the pavement with sparks flying at every bump, that’s me. And my poor travel companion.

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

I'm an idiot when I first wake up

Some of my very early morning thoughts:

"I have to get to Whole Foods to get my free iPod! I wonder how much of that was a dream and how much is real life." [sudden disappointment when I realize Whole Foods probably isn't giving free iPods to every customer]

"Must remember to RRSP to that party... RRSP... RRSP. That can't be right. Ugh I'll sort it out later."

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Thanks, guys.

Co-worker: You can borrow the Cat6A cable, but you have to be really careful with it. Treat it like it’s your ...what do you care about, anyways? Math? Pretend that it’s ...math.


...


Co-worker: Oh, I wanted to tell you something. Everyone’s talking about you behind your back. I guess your hair looks weird today? Looks fine to me, but everyone else is talking about it.


...


Me: I need a good algorithm that I can use with Mindstorms so I can program my robot to play beer pong with me.

Co-worker: Wouldn’t it be faster to just make a friend?

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Confessions

The Whole Foods near my work is so clean, I have eaten food I found on the floor while shopping.

I once forgot how to set my home alarm, and didn't leave my house for three days.

In my refrigerator, I have one jar of expired mayonnaise for every year I've lived here.

I have taken a cab to work because it was raining and I couldn't find my umbrella.

Saturday, February 25, 2017

this one wrote itself

My friend was late to pick me up this morning, but he brought me some mood stabilizers so I literally can't stay mad at him.

(My stress-relief supplements were shipped to his house.)

Sunday, January 29, 2017

middle of the night thoughts

If I owned a gun, I would definitely try to kill a spider by shooting it.