Sunday, December 31, 2017

year end confessions

-I paid for, downloaded, and listened to a Pitbull song.

-last night I was out in the cold, and without any other option at the time, blew my nose in my mitten.

-one night when I couldn't sleep, I poured Nyquil over ice cream and ate it like a sundae.

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Seasons Greetings?

boss: Hey, it's almost December.

me: Yeah, time to start coasting.

boss: I prefer to think of it as a "controlled descent".


boss: I'm going out for lunch, Starbucks, to poop, and to get your Christmas present. Back in a bit.

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Happy Halloween

I dressed up as a cow for work today. It was fun, and I got to wear a hood as part of the costume, which is a rarely acceptable solution for bed head. My hair seems to have reached an awkward length, at which bed head is both chronic and severe. In the past week I have received snark from three separate co-workers (“with bed head like that, maybe you should just call in sick!”), forcing me to resort to a hair contingency plan I call “The Maddow”.

The cow costume went over well with my co-workers, especially with my well-timed entrance to the lunch room, just as the delivery man arrived with a cart full of milk and coffee creamer. “Thank God you’re here!” I announced (I’m sure I could have said almost anything and it would have been hilarious).

So now I have a zip-up cow onesie, which I plan on wearing regularly around the house. More than one co-worker asked if it was actually my pyjamas, re-purposed as a Halloween costume, so that should give you an idea of how much dignity I convey in the workplace (see above, re: bed head). In fact, these people could not be more wrong, because the opposite is true. It is a Halloween costume, re-purposed as pyjamas.

Saturday, September 30, 2017


My boss is not a coffee drinker. As such, he never used to come with us to Starbucks, until late last year when a coworker mentioned the Starbucks points system.

“They have points!?” he inquired, suddenly very interested in Starbucks.

He came with us to Starbucks that day, and got a Starbucks card. Within one month, he had purchased so many Starbucks products, that they made him an “elite” member. He received a black and gold Starbucks card in the mail, embossed with his name. For comparison, I’ve been a heavy coffee drinker since I was 13, and have not achieved any similar status at any coffee shop.

He’s a sucker for points, and fast food. So of course I was horrified when 7-11 rolled out their points system earlier this month. We found ourselves at a 7-11 downtown, late last Tuesday after work, and I foolishly questioned his purchase of fried chicken and mystery meat on a stick.

“They have points.” he said, beaming with self-satisfaction.

Thursday, August 31, 2017

follow up

-was compensated for the elevator incident, with $500 in gift cards (at that hourly rate, I am strongly considering doing it again to supplement my income)

-managed to get locked in a stairwell of the same building (and was not compensated)

Monday, July 31, 2017

this month in review

highlights of my July:

-was mistaken for a child by three separate people (will I ever finish puberty?).

-was trapped in an elevator for 8 hours, and subsequently suffered several days of bad elevator jokes from my friends and co-workers.

-skipped the gym twice because “it might rain later”, twice because I really didn’t feel like it, and once because I fell asleep in the middle of the day and the gym closed while I was napping.

-tried to quit coffee, and fell asleep in the middle of the day.

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Wine Tour

How can you tell when my travel companion has eaten a grape? His head turns into a grape! Hahaha. Does anyone have an epi-pen?

My travel companion, who is allergic to grapes, is joining me on a tour of several wineries in the Okanagan this weekend. He’s a good friend. I’m an ok friend, and I can’t promise that I wont get embarrassingly drunk and belligerent before noon, and ask to be carried back to the hotel. He’s the kind of guy who would do that, and not even be mad later.

I might get embarrassingly drunk by accident because my tolerance is lower. I haven’t had any alcohol in two months, except the complimentary mouthwash I accidentally swallowed at the gym (I may have subconsciously done that on purpose).

If you see a little Honda coming out of the Naramata region, it’s rear bumper weighed down to the pavement with sparks flying at every bump, that’s me. And my poor travel companion.